HOW THE CHURCH LOST THE RELATIONAL GLUE THAT HELD US TOGETHER- AND HOW TO FIX IT.

           Many growing contemporary churches expereince up 20% to 30% annual loss of members. A chuch of 1,000 members can create 3,000 disgruntled former members over a decade. Multiply this problem across the nation and we can see why the Contemporary church is ranked 2 /10  in caring and relationship in national polling. This is one reason why the contemporary church currently has a declining reputation. Although the church depends upon relationships for survival, group dynamics (the skills needed to operate social groups) are not even taught in seminary. Christianity needs to examine and experiment with group structures to find a new congregational structures that provide both relationships and scale. Some groups are already succeeding and they provide vital insight.

        One core relational problem is that large and small groups alone lack the ability to form friendships. We need solutions such as large churches that organize relational sub-communities which function soley to promote long term friendships and support. People need communities that can help during times of crisis, provide activities during weekends, and celebrate together on holidays.

           During the early church and other eras of revival, relationships fueled growth.  The New Testament commanded Believers to love each other. Most of their time was spent interacting. They cared for their own church widows, orphans, prisoners, and disabled people. Today, churches focus on helping people outside the church but largely neglect their own members.  A Mormon once told me that he wanted to become a Christian, but he couldn't afford to lose all of the financial and relational benefits of Mormonism.  The Mormon congregational structure effectively provides access to close relationships on scale. I met a shocked Christian from Korea who recently visited an American church. His Korean church also met in ways that produced strong communities. He belonged to a large church where neighborhood congregations met more regularly than the city megachurch. He said, " Modern Americans don't realize that they attend only attend half of a church service. Half of the traditional meeting has been cut away. Americans have largely cut out group interaction, praying for each other, eating meals together, and sharing testimonies."         

         The relationship problem in the church has to change during this time when people are desperate for friends, acceptance, and support.  There is not just one solution. However, all leaders need to know we are experiencing a relationship crisis. They should all learn what social groups require to thrive relationally. The Christian church should again enjoy the highest relationship reputation of any institution. Church should be the one place people can trust they will find friends. Thankfully there are many resources available to help pastors excel at friend building, member care, and community creation. I have written a book, "The Friend Buidling Church," which explains how group science can help any church turbo-charge friendships. We will be discussing this topic often on the Smarter church VLOG.​